NASCAR SUCKS

(Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks)

Spurned by the effort put forth by ‘Rios in The Booth regarding his distaste for Soccer, The Sports PhD figured why not alienate and piss off more readers. The following chronicles why NASCAR SUCKS:

1. The ‘SC’ in NASCAR stands for stock car. Stock car means these cars are from the factory, or actual models. Last I checked, when buying a Lumina, the Jeff Gordon options package was not available.

2. NASCAR is the largest spectator sport in the States. This is true. It is a spectator sport. You cannot play, since ‘stock’ cars aren’t really used. Can you go out back with your son and play NASCAR? It is the sport of white trash, and they cannot afford these ‘stock’ cars. Ask, “Do you like to play NASCAR?” Is there even a response for that?

3. Those people who wear those ugly pit crew jackets of their favorite driver. I just have to laugh. Do women think this is attractive? They know on a nice summer weekend day, they will be stuck watching racing for 5 hours on TV? This leads to #4.

4. Domestic Violence.

5. The defenders of NASCAR detailing the tailgating and barbecuing which is so good at the races. Last I checked; this is done at most sporting events.

6. How many times have I wrote, “last I checked” so far? Two.

7. Average IQ of NASCAR fan? See #6.

8. Cheating is essential to the sport. I cannot plead ignorance because I have seen specials about this. Removable panels to pass weight check, and multiple alterations between inspection and the race. Very ethical. “Hey Cletus, let’s rob da dem there bank!”

9. The people who drive the “Tricked Out” Monte Carlo’s cause they think they are playing NASCAR. When they are almost home, do they call their wives telling them they need 4 tires?

10. People who call drivers athletes.

11. 4 out of 5 NASCAR fans have 3 teeth.

12. 4 out of 5 NASCAR fans prefer shot gunning a beer.

13. NASCAR drivers have hot chicks. This pisses me off. But does it really? Would I really want some girl who wants a NASCAR driver? My head says no, and I really do not want VD.

14. Country Music.

15. Not enough death to make it interesting.

16. Winning under the yellow flag. This would be like winning during a timeout in basketball.

17. Dale Earnhardt immortalized.

18. Turning left.

19. Gay midget porn.

20. How does The PhD fix NASCAR? Paint a yellow dotted line down the middle of the track making two lanes. Not a solid lane cause passing is allowed. Run half the cars in one direction on the top half of the track, and the other half the other direction on the bottom half. To pass, you need to pass on the other side of the track, head on with the other cars. Just imagine…

A boyfriend

When she walks away from you mad===[ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your lips===[ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you===[ Grab her and don’t let go ]
When she start's cursing at you===[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet===[ Ask her what’s wrong ]
When she ignore's you===[ Give her your attention ]
When she pulls away==[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst===[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying==[Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
When you see her walking==[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared===[ Protect her ]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder===[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steal's your favorite hat==[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she tease's you===[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time===[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt==[ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
When she say's that she like's you==[ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grab's at your hands===[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bump's into you===[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret===[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes===[ don’t look away until she does ]
WHEN SHE MISSES YOU===[ SHES HURTING INSIDE]
When you break her heart===[ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
When she says its over===[ she STILL wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin===[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.
-DON'T let her have the last word.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok don’t believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

This is how every girl should be treated

To every guy that's said "Sex CAN wait".
To every guy that's said "You're beautiful", not hot or sexy, just beautiful.
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because that's how he rolls.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that was patient with her, when she was cranky.
To every guy that loves her, no matter what flaws she has.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door.
To every guy that gave his heart.
To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.


Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore, and because of this, there are not many left out

Love or Something Like it

She was looking like
 handwoven dreams
 In her eyes I saw
oceans of pearls
There she was,
I felt lost it seemed
I could only be
 thinking of her
I want you to be mine

Anabaptism and Pacifism

Pacifism is a term that generally means that peaceful rather than violent or

 aggressive relations should govern human interaction and that arbitration, surrender, or

relocation should be used to resolve disputes. The idea of pacifism is one of the many

ideologies that set the Anabaptist movement apart from the rest of the Protestant

movement. Many people during the early stages of the Anabaptist Movement

considered them radical reformists and they strongly believed that Pacifism was an

essential portion of what they considered “THE” form of Christianity. In September

1524, Conrad Grebel had discussed with his “Church of Believers” the idea of The

Sword which had seemed to lead these “Anabaptists” to embrace the idea of Pacifism.

That statement by Grebel stated; “The gospel and its adherents are not to be protected

by the sword, nor should they protect themselves... True believing Christians are sheep

among wolves, sheep for the slaughter. They must be baptized in anguish and

tribulation, persecution, suffering and death, tried in fire, and must reach the fatherland

o f eternal rest not by slaying the physical but the spiritual. They use neither worldly

sword nor war, since killing has ceased with them entirely.” This statement by Grebel is

saying that his group of believers or “Anabaptists” should not relate themselves with

the government or try to use as many ways as possible to solve disputes without violent

confrontations as humanly possible.

Person

i miss her soo much, i wish i could go back in time where everything that went down didnt happen and i could have her back, i've known her since i was 8. how can this happen?Why is it that when u try to do something with someone they tell u that u shouldnt have done it and make u feel like an ass, but when u wanna do the same thing with the person and u end up not doing they get mad at u         if you are with someone and they make u happy then keep it going, if ur with someone and they make u feel kinda awkward and dont do anything with/for u, then why r u still with that person

BSC, My Home Away From Home

            The BSC is a private swim club that my family belongs to.  It is a place to go in the summer to cool off by the poll, hang out with friends, and have fun.  The pool ranges from three feet deep to six feet deep and a twelve foot diving well that we sometimes get to swim regularly in it.  Over the years I have made many friends there that I hang out with.  Also you can play at the playground or go down to the fields to play baseball or volleyball.  It also has a tennis court.  For the little ones they have a baby pool that is not very deep.  Want something else to do then go to the basketball court to shoot some hoops.  Behind the umbrellas are picnic tables and grills for barbequing.  If you are hungry you can got o the snack bar for burgers and pizza.  They have a game room next to the snack bar for playing foosball and arcade games.

            Down by the entrance you could play shuffle board or ping pong. I and my family would spend endless hours there swimming, diving, eating, talking, and all around having fun.  It was a place where I could be myself and not get rejected for being different.  I do not know what I would have done over my summers without the BSC.  I even learned how to swim there and how to interact with others. 

Senior Goodbye( Dam Yankees)

First off I would like to say that this show was awesome to do and everyone involved did an amazing job. There were a lot of good moments while doing Dam Yankees but there were too many to name so I ‘m just going to say that I’m glad I was there for as many as I could. Now stage crew,  I want to say that ever since I joined stage crew in my sophomore  year I never regretted it not even once, because when I saw Beauty and the Beast here I thought to myself that I want to do that,  so I did and I stuck to my word.  Lou, I want to say that I have faith in you for next year because you learned everything you could from the indestructible Tony, but in all seriousness you learned everything from a pretty good stage manager, because Tony was always the first one to every meeting, showed everyone how to do something if we didn’t know how to do it, he was the last one to leave, and also made sure that everything worked like a well oiled machine back stage and it pretty much did every time.  Lastly I want to say for the seniors on the crew I’m glad to have been with you all for three years and for the rest of crew I’m still grateful to have done stag crew with you all, so thank you all and  good bye.

Lost

She can never be found,
the one who who makes my heart beat so fast,
 the one who makes my stomach churn
 everytime i see her,
 the one who i cant help
 but smile at her,
the girl that makes me feel
that everyone else is inferior,
when will the light be turned on that will reveal her?

The Perfect Grilled Cheese

"Grilled cheese sandwhiches
 should be made prefectly
 with 2 slices of cheese
not one slice
 and burnt,not too burnt
 but burnt, and served
with an ice cold diet coke"

THE GIRL

your always willing to help me out at anytime.
 i feel like you would drop everything to help me.
i love hanging out. i feel like i can talk to you
 all the time. your the best
 and i wouldnt trade you for the world.
The girl that laughs with me,
spends time with me,
understands me, the girl i can
 just lay down and look at the stars with,
WHERE R U?

Relationships

I think that many of the relationships out there fall to an end is that people have a tendency to focus on impressing the person they are with instead of trying to get to know them. Sometimes people tell each other things so that you can make that other person like you for what you had told them but what makes people think that the other person already has a reason to like you. So there may not be a reason that you have to go out and completely focus on the impressing and in a way forcing somebody to like you even if you don’t think you are forcing someone. When I say you are forcing someone to like you I mean that you come up with things that you think the other person will like strictly for the idea of them to like you and to be with that person, so in a way that is forcing someone to like you. What I think needs to be done is that people need to focus on really getting to know the person before you take the next step with them, try to get to know as much as you can so that it can really be told whether or not two people can be together and whether or not the relationship can last.